jkatkina

I've fallen off the DW horse again, which really shouldn't be, because this is a fascinating time and I should be documenting it.

I'm still working from home. The world is still mad right now. TL's still unemployed. The last few months have felt like melted ice cream: all goopy and running together and somehow wrong.

Inevitably, I've been grappling with feelings of helplessness and, interestingly, anger that at times threatens to just explode everywhere. None of us deserve this, none of us should be having to go through this, but here we are: at the mercy of our governments, of other people with foolish beliefs, of a merciless, mindless virus. And it's not fucking fair.

Everyone I know has tried their best to be a good person and to survive and thrive in a world that is stacked against most of us, and this is how that world is paying us back. I know there's really no rhyme or reason to anything, but my cultural background has instilled me with this gut feeling that good should be rewarded from above. (Though my family of origin is solidly atheist, our collective background is solidly WASPy and.... whatever the catholic version of WASPs are.) Framed charitably, I call this my sense of justice: in my worst moments it's a raging sense of entitlement. They're two sides of the same coin. Anyways, it's interesting feeling full of rage and helpless to change the situation. Horrible, and I'd rather we not be here, but here we are and I can at least frame it as interesting and channel it where it can do some good.

( Now here's the hope part: )